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During Covid-19 our lives and what we live for have been taken away replaced by a mundane existence where every day feels like the last.

My thoughts on a difficult 12 months

Running a business during the good times can be a tough but a rewarding challenge, running a business during a pandemic is simply impossible. With this in mind I thought I would document how I managed my situation during the last twelve difficult months.

A saying I use often is, to know me is to understand me. I think that is true of any business owner. We only see what they are willing to share. Mostly this will be well documented blogs about being positive, happy instagram messages and countless many pictures of family days out. I think a lot of these posts portray a false positive. 

In the main when this first started back in March I think we all said we’ll use these few months as good quality family time and do all the things we kept postponing. Then sadly spring turned to summer which lead to autumn which quickly became winter and now here we are nearly twelve months later and we are climbing the walls. Desperate for good news and happier times.

Put simply our lives and what we live for have been taken away replaced by a mundane existence where every day feels like the last. Box sets and catch up TV don’t hold your attention as they once did, now you choose a box set simply to eat away the hours.

I am guilty of all of what I have mentioned. Like everyone else I feel very lost at the minute and despite my best efforts I have really struggled at times.

Going back a fair few years, early 2009 I went through a really difficult period for which I received counselling. A lot of issues had built up inside me, I needed to talk to someone for the fear of situation becoming much worse. From that counselling I learnt to control how I feel and how to deal with my day-to-day life. I am by nature a controlling person, I have terrible OCD and I have a perfectionist personality. Which means I want to control everything.

What came from those sessions changed my life for the better. I have an inner dialogue going on every day, I can now channel my thoughts much more positively. 

In May 2009 I started my business. I don't believe the counselling lead to this decision but I do believe the business has given me an outlet to get lost in, it's given me something I can control, something I can shape and make my own.

Last year when this all started, I like many thought this would all blow over in a few months and by the summer we’ll be back to normal. With this in mind, I continued with my YouTube videos, I continued to write my blogs, I started a Podcast, I started work on a new website, I enlisted help with my social media programme and I read countless many books to help me with the business plus running every other day. 

Then summer came and nothing had changed. That’s when I started to feel deflated, that’s when I lost hope. As much as I tried I couldn’t get over the pandemic wall I found myself facing. I stop doing all the positive things which kept my emotions in check. 

I continued to read books which helped me focus on the business. I stopped posting on Social Media as I wasn’t in the right mindset. I didn't want post messages portraying positivity when I was struggling with that myself. 

In December when we heard news of the vaccine I started (like most) to feel a little more positive. As encouraged as I am by the vaccine programme it doesn’t help the business in the here and now. We have just moved most of March, April and May’s work to later in the year but mostly to 2022. If we don’t start hearing positive news in February I suspect June and July’s work will also be postponed. Should we start again in July that would mean as a business we’ve had little-to-no income for fifteen months. 

This is where those range of emotions play havoc. When you hear good news and start feeling positive again you begin to plan and look forward to better times. However, sadly those good, positive feelings are always short lived and fleeting. 

As a nation we are subjected to so much negative (badly researched) news from the media most of which is simply scaremongering. Why? Why do this to us when we are physically and mentally tired of this wretched situation. It serves no purpose. It feels like the media just want to be the first to report a news story regardless of its merit, regardless if it’s true and regardless of how it will make us feel. Between them and the Government they have a lot to answer for, they haven’t dealt with this pandemic with humility.  Which is the one single thing we all desperately need right now. Humility. 

"You can't control the uncontrollable".

During this pandemic when speaking to friends, family and those who have booked us I have used the saying “You can’t control the uncontrollable”. This is the only way you can look as this. There is nothing you or I can do to change the way the media and government handle this and there is nothing I can do to change when I can start work again. We just have to sit on our hands and make the best of the situation we find ourselves in. 

I know as it stands the business has three more months (probably more) of sitting in limbo waiting for postive news. 

During the good and bad periods of this pandemic I have still managed to plan and research for better times so the business will continue to grow. I have a new appreciation for what the business means to me and those who have booked us. I have a new hunger to make the very best of better times when they come around again. More than that, I want to live again. I want to see everyday people enjoy everyday things again and bask in the glory of normality again. Laughter in pubs, catch ups while sipping coffee, long overdue loving hugs, chatting on park benches whilst sharing lunch and beaches full of pale people hopeful of summertime tans. 

We will do all of these things and much more and I hope they are done with love and compassion and a new found appreciation of what it feels like to live again.